Travels In Ukraine, part 3

Riding the Rails

I’ve had a love of trains since my childhood. My father worked on a small commuter rail line running between Chicago and South Bend, Indiana, so I literally grew up riding the rails. As with everything else, some of the details are a little different in Ukraine, but the essential allure and romance of rail travel remains the same. On the longer trips – anything over four or five hours – there are three different classes of passenger cars.

Train and station in Carpathian Mts

(Train and station in Carpathian Mts)

The most expensive is a two passenger sleeping compartment called luxe, priced well beyond the reach of all but the most wealthy Ukrainians, and not available on every train route. The middle ground is a four bed private compartment, two up and two down, known as coupe. For me, this is the way to go. It affords a measure of privacy not found in the third and cheapest method called plascart. The vast majority of Ukrainians do their train travel in plascart but unless you are someone who likes sleeping in an open hostel-like environment with forty-seven other people and you’re extremely hard of smelling, I wouldn’t recommend it. Certainly it makes for the most interesting and perhaps authentic travel experience, but I’ve tried it twice and all I’ve gained is a major case of sleep deprivation.

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Travels In Ukraine, part 2

Getting There

We’ve all heard the old saw that getting there is half the fun, though I’m not sure anyone who’s flown coach class halfway around the world lately would agree. But if you choose to visit Ukraine, there’s only one way it’s going to happen and that’s by air. For the vast majority of travelers that means flying coach, economy class, spam in a can, call it whatever you want, it’s an exercise in contortionism and a butt endurance contest at best. I’ve made the trip several times and while it doesn’t exactly get easier, I’ve compiled a few tips to make it slightly more tolerable.

First, arrive early and begin drinking in the airport lounge so you are loaded before the plane is. Once onboard, continue to imbibe as much as they will serve you, preferably until you pass out. This way you will spend most of the flight unconscious, at least until you suddenly bolt for the head and lose everything you drank earlier plus most of what you ate yesterday. Either way you won’t be stuck in your seat for ten hours listening to the squalling baby in the row behind you or smelling the various bodily odors and effluences of your seat mates. It will also make you eat less – or better still, none – of the ghastly pressed cardboard which passes for food onboard most airlines, which leads me to…

Balaklava Harbor

(Balaklava Harbor)

Two, don’t eat the food. Unless of course you are someone born without taste buds, or the weird fat kid in first grade who ate that white paste that was supposed to be some kind of glue but really didn’t stick to anything except the roof of your mouth. I mean, that’s what they told me it did. I never tried it, honest.

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Day Nineteen – Thursday, September 30: Journey’s End

I never really planned to drive almost a thousand miles in one day. But it happened. You’ve heard of road rage? I chalk this up to road fatigue. I just wanted to get home and honestly, once I start driving with only that one thought in mind, it’s pretty hard to stop.

By now both my wife and I were heartily sick of being crammed inside the confines of our Honda, and not because it’s a small car. Given a hundred foot Hollywood stretch limo, I think we would have felt the same. Nor did it matter much what was rolling past our windows anymore. It could have been the Taj Mahal, the Eiffel Tower, and the Great Pyramid one after the other and I doubt we’d have cared or even stopped to take a picture.

In Southern Idaho

(In Southern Idaho)

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